Episode 406: Linguistic Noodles

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As the vernal equinox approaches in our hemisphere, we are saying goodbye to winter with two snow-themed songs! First, by listener request, we hear “50 Words for Snow” by Kate Bush — a real arthouse-film of a song, complete with a beloved celebrity there to impart gravitas. We pair it with “Snobows” by Stan Beard and the Swinging Strings, which we are disappointed to report is NOT about the elbows of snowpeople.

The ranking music in this episode is “December Will Be Magic Again” by Kate Bush.

Thank you to merikus for the request!

Episode 405: A Warning, An Apology, A Promise

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Inspired by the approaching time change, we spring forward into two songs about winter sunlight and, specifically, Seasonal Affective Disorder. We expect a spooky twist from Lemon Demon’s “SAD”, but it mostly does what’s written on the tin. There’s also a literal story of SAD in Sunturns’ “First Winter”, but with layers of meaning and metaphor that give it the vibrancy of a sunrise.

The ranking music in this episode is “Aurora Borealis” by Lemon Demon.

Fun fact: we recorded this exactly one day before British Columbia announced that it’s adopting permanent Daylight Savings Time, so we got to this theme just in time!!!

Episode 403: A Family Can Be a Belgian Women’s Choir and Two Guys

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It’s almost Family Day here in British Columbia, and to celebrate, we’ve got a tenuously connected episode theme! By request, we listen to “Christmas Must Be Tonight” as performed by SCALA and Kolacny Brothers, a song about the son of a carpenter. Then we pair it with “Let’s Make a Baby King” by Wynnona Judd, a song about that same guy and also his mom and also his cousin, and also maybe the concept of an infant-based form of government.

The ranking music in this episode is “Nothing But a Child” by Steve Earle.

Thank you to Liam for requesting this version of “Christmas Must Be Tonight”!

Episode 402: A Homeopathic Amount of Grinch

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Of course we wouldn’t let January pass us by without celebrating our second-most-cursed annual tradition, Grinch Rap Granuary! But, unfortunately, this is the last one. For real this time. We’re scraping the bottom of the Grinch Rap barrel with “Like The Grinch” by Gucci Mane, so hopefully “You’re a Mean One, Mr. Grinch” by Pentatonix will be the stake in the heart that this thing requires. RIP Grinch Rap Granuary!

The ranking music in this episode is “Grinch 2000” by Busta Rhymes featuring Jim Carrey.

Episode 401: If I Were a Slowking

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As the twelve days of Christmas come to a close once again, we’re celebrating Epiphany with two songs about three men. By listener request, we check out “We Three Slow Kings” by Electric Santa, a song that may or may not be a joke, and “If I Were a Wise Man” by Flannel Graph, an undoubtedly sincere song with a familiar Sufjan-esque flavor.

The ranking music in this episode is “Pocketful of Sunshine” by Natasha Bedingfield, which is the song Ian couldn’t remember the name of.

Thank you to Matt for these requests!

Episode 400: The Piss Tangent of It All

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In this milestone episode, Jam and Ian add the 799th (???) and 800th (!!!) songs to HARK’s massive, unruly list. Jam aims for the top of the list with a near-classic and the hosts talk about Jesus for a while, with just a liiiittle heresy (as a treat).  Then Ian uses his bottom pick to launch an exploratory mission into a new kind of bad song and raise some philosophical questions about the future of novelty Christmas music in an age of machine-generated vocals.

The ranking music in this episode is “Jesus Christ” by Big Star.

Episode 399: Chanukah, Take Me Home

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Hanukkah is fast approaching! And to celebrate, we have two songs… well, OK. We have one song about Hanukkah, and one song about Not Christmas. “Chanukah in West Virginia” by Scott Simons wraps a somewhat sad sentiment in a cheerful package (for better or worse), while “Chinese Food on Christmas” by Brandon Walker is a thoroughly silly celebration of not celebrating.

The ranking music in this episode is “No War on Xmas”, also by Scott Simons!

Episode 398: Support Your Local Ugly Sweater

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You may be wondering why this episode is going up on a Thursday instead of a Wednesday. Well, first of all, it’s technically still Wednesday in our time zone, and this episode is all about going local! And second… we are adjacent to the ball.

In this episode, we’re encouraging you to shop local, support Wikipedia, and listen along with us to two holiday-sweater-themed songs: “Ugly Xmas Sweater Party” by girlhouse and “I Wanna Take You Out In Your Holiday Sweater” by PAS/CAL.

The ranking music in this episode is “Christmas Unicorn” by Sufjan Stevens.

Episode 397: Birthday Boi’s Choose Your Own Adventure

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It’s Jam’s birthday! To find out the first song they selected, go to Paragraph 2 (P2). To skip ahead to the ranking music, go to P5.

P2: It was “Yule Shoot Your Eye Out” by Fall Out Boy! For their second selection, they give Ian two options — past or future. If you think he should choose “future”, go to P3. If you prefer “past”, go to P4.

P3: Ian chose the same thing! And the song was, unfortunately, “Feels Like Christmas” by Panic! At the Disco. All that’s left is learning the ranking music — go to P5!

P4: Oh no! Ian didn’t choose this option. Also, you slipped on an icy patch and fell down a well. Oops!!!

P5: The ranking music in this episode is “Yule Shoot Your Eye Out” as performed by Skatune Network. Yay, you did it!